Thursday, July 29, 2004

Avoidance of Work

So I suffer from this very debilitating medical problem....Its name is not really well know or easy to pronounce, so I had to come up with something that everyone would understand...
 
I call it "Work-Related Narcolepsy"
 
You know...your sitting at your job...mindlessly drooling away at your tasks...and then it hits you...especially after lunch....the wave of sluggishness. The eyes dim and you drift off into a slightly paranoid feeling of sleep. Next thing you know...you scare yourself out of it...look up and you have a computer screen full of "E"'s because your hand was on the key when you zoned out.
 
Question... Why is it your job remembers all the good things you did for them for about 5 minutes...and all the bad things stick around until your next review period?

Things you will never hear a guy say:
 
- "Not tonight honey....I'm feeling too fat to get a blowjob"
- "Pardon Me, could you give me some directions"
- "HEY, COOL!...it came with instructions...let's use them!"
- "Screw Football...I wanna go to Bed, Bath and Beyond"
- "Excuse me, on which ailse can I find the tampons?"
- "Sure honey...your Mom can stay as long as she wants"
- "I'd like a white wine spritzer please"
- "Are you kidding...I would LOVE to have my back waxed!"
 
Vote for "None of the Above"
Joe


Monday, July 26, 2004

Mindless Dribble

Things I find strange in the World

- Pro Wrestling is the only job in the world where its in your contract to have a another guys crotch in your face

 - A college degree without any experience weighs heavier than a person with no degree and 5 years of experience

- Its ok to copy a song off a CD...but not another persons hard drive

- Women dont know what or where they want to eat untill you start to make the decision

- Two 12 packs of coke cost more than one 24 pack

- Though you are wearing a name tag and uniform...some one will still ask "Do you work here?"- No matter how many times I fall for it....candy corn still tastes like shit

- For some reason...we still fall for electing the Democrats and Republicans...just so we can bitch about them for the next 4 years, your telling me no one else has any good ideas??? Or is it they dont have enough money?

- We loan other countries money...but we have a deficit? Isnt that like bouncing checks when your account is overdrawn? How much are those overdraft fees???

Peace out Hommies...I'll be back later




Sunday, July 25, 2004

It's HOT!!!!.....(How Hot is it???)

Ok.....there's hot and then there is today....whew

I sit here at 3:40 AM still sweating and wondering if Satan could kick on the AC for awhile.

I've lived in Florida and Mississippi...so I understand the term of hot and wet....but this is ri-god-damn-diculous.

Ok enough about the heat...what happened today.

Not Much...I avoided direct sunlite like Dracula and decided to chill (not literaly) at my house.

Ended up playing Poker with some friends and doubled up my cash for the night. A few Goldschlagers later and here I am. Trying to focus and listening to Jamiroquai.

Return of the Space Cowboy....if you listen closely...the song is about weed.

Some things I learned today:

1. Always check your cards before you go "All In"

2. Jack in the Box always sounds better before you actually eat it (I wanted Denny's)

3. 3 winning numbers on a MegaMillions ticket = 7.00 bucks - I didnt know that.

Anyway...this is just what I like to call Filler

I'll have something more intelligent to say when I sober up tomarrow.ohhhh...Beastie Boys.....pardon me while I SHAKE MY RUMP!!!!!




Friday, July 23, 2004

Round 2

Welcome to WORK!

The first stroke of the day comes from a co-worker that asks for my help, which I give with a pasted smile on my face, then turns right around and asks the same question to my boss.....

WAIT A MINUTE~!  Why do people ask for your help and then not trust the solution you give them??!?!!!

I know...I know...this one isnt me....Its the retard (not PC, but neither am I) that asked for help in the first place.  I'll chill....

Just had to throw that one out there....more coming later....

Here's a question I would like some opinions on....

Is it me...or are the winners of American Idol not very entertaining?  I have yet to see one reach the so called ICONIC status that they are striving for....I didnt see Britany or Jessica roll out of one of these competitions.  I almost feel like its a real stigma on their career.  So in turn does that mean Randy, Paula, and Simon are not very good judges of talent....sure they can weed out the hacks...but thats all Ive seen.  Show me the next Prince to walk out of AI and I retort my opinion.  Cant wait for I Love the 00 in VH1 in 6 years so we can look back and laugh at American Idol.

Joe



Thursday, July 22, 2004

So this is how it all starts.....

Where should I begin???
 
Political views....nah
Self-Examination......only in the bedroom
Public Perception......Who cares what they think
Expectations......They only set you up for failure
 
How about I just vent about things that really GRIND MY ASS!!!!
 
Like....these fucking people who sit by me on the bus every morning....There could be 50 other seats open but for some reason their ass seems to prefer the guilded plastic cusion that I am trying not to touch with my own exposed skin. Now, I know some of you dont know me and have never been on the luxurious coaches provided by the City of Seattle, but for a your average football player size guy...it gets a little cramped when Bertha decides to rest her cankles next to you. And by the way...would it kill you to shower more than once a decade...I don't know if I am just sensitive to BO or if I prefer the smell of strippers...but I would like my journey to Who's Who in Mental Illness land (A.K.A My Job) to be somewhat odor free. Thank you for your support.I feel better.
 
I guess the Thorazine is finally kicking in.
 
So feel free to send me anything you would like for me to lay my self delusional perceptions on...It could be fun and I would love to meet you.
 
Peace in the Middle East
 
Joe


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

hit counter code