Monday, March 27, 2006

Random Thoughts...

Its Official!!!....The Soprano's is soooooo dope! Uhhhhggg...I can't believe this is the last season.

Now I know all you O.C. drone's out there are going to claim that the little California show has its redeeming qualities of greatness...but until your boy Ryan hauls off and "whacks" Seth because he "Talked Too Much" I might have to pass....

Well, Spring is here and today it actually looks like it. I kind of understand the meaning of Spring this time around. All of the new beginnings and shedding off of the winter blah's, its actually quite refreshing. It's almost a sense of clarity about what has happened in your life recently and your desire to turn it all around.

Its time to start getting amped up for Vegas in a couple weeks....

Yards of green felt and leather padding....the Nintendo like pings of the slot machines....the 38 Captain and Cokes it takes me to start feeling a buzz in the casino...ahhhhh..theres nothing like it. I guess I should start getting my back story together for while I am there.....I think I might go with the Waste Management Rep from New Jersey...Joey Baritone...and these are my "associate's".... just kidding....the frat boys I'll be with couldn't pull off Jersey Italian if they took a shower in minced garlic and tied Frank Sinatra to their backs. Thats ok, I'll have plenty of other sinful attractions to keep my mind busy.



ahhhhhh.....its like....its like....home...(tear).

I think I am naming this entry "The Random Thoughts Blog" cuz here's whats going through my mind currently (scared..aren't ya)

- Work SUCKS (duh...given)
- I need dishwasher detergent.
- I hope that Afgan guy that converted to Christianity gets out of the country before the Islamic Fundementalists get him. (Stupid situation, Religious Intolerance. Grow the FUCK UP world!)
- Call Mom
- Syriana tonight?
- Mexico would be nice this year to visit.
- "Used to get high just to pass the time....Music and Wine were the only friends of mine..." (song verse)
- "I would love to uppercut a punkass..and send him flying into a table with a cake or bowl of punch...this could happen at a dance...wedding...gala event" - Dane Cook
- I dont get to the ocean enough anymore.
- Haircut
- I'm Outta here....

Late

Dirty K

Thursday, March 09, 2006

For those that asked....

Because I am the proud Uncle....Here are some pics of Big Ben...



He's gonna be a tough kid....When his circumcision was over...he looked at the doctor and said, "Is that all you got?!"

Peace....

DK

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Weekend Update....

I caught a past episode of Saturday Night Live recently..and when I say past I mean coked up Belushi/Aykroyd era....it makes me laugh to see how the writing has evolved over the past 30 years...case in point...a pseudo Point/Counterpoint news skit on Weekend Update between Jane Curtin and Dan Akroyd. (..this may loose something in the translation...but I still think its damn funny...and its my blog...so there)

Curtin: "Dan, only a reactionary ass such as yourself could oppose full diplomatic relations with China. As President Carter said, it's a simple recognition of reality. How can we ignore eight hundred million people? But, then again, I guess it's your habit to ignore reality. You're a paranoid schizophrenic, Dan, whose politics are obviously born out of some buried infantile trauma. You hide from reality, constructing a hostile world to justify your own incapacity for love and compassion. Go ahead, Dan, live in your dark, lonely world. ..."

Aykroyd: "Jane, you ignorant slut. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm. The issue is Taiwan. How can we expect to have the confidence of any free nation when we stab one of our most faithful allies in the back? I suppose you'd like to conduct our foreign policy the way you conduct your private life, hopping from bed to bed with anyone who can do you some good. Then what do you have? An old, dried-out scuz that no decent man would be seen with. Is that what you want for America? It's too late for you, Jane, but our country still has some dignity left, you hosebag."

Now I guess where I am trying to drive this conversation is that the current form of SNL seems to be missing the edge of this kind of humor...I know...its not PC to call someone an "ignorant slut" these days...but out of nowhere...that shit is funny.

Here are a few phone pics from the Rat City Roller Derby charity event I attended on Saturday...





My opinion....not a rough as I would have liked, but still entertaining. I wanna see some pissed off women out there lookin to take revenge on someone because their boyfriend slept with one of his band's groupies last night. The eight block bar crawl to and from the Everett Event Center was a great appetizer and capper to the night...I only drank one bar out of Goldschlager...I must be slippin...

On a happy note....after a week of anticipation...

Tonight at 8:24 was the birth of my nephew, Benjamin Joseph....a happy bundle of joy...all 10 lbs of him....I'll be off to the hospital tomarrow afternoon to hold him for the first time.

Watch out ladies, there's another Gorney on the loose....

Dirty~Kash

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

St Ides of March


Hola Mi Amigo's!

Whats with all this 'tude folks...just because I have been busy with the daily chores of keeping Dirty~Kash Inc. up and running doesn't mean I have forgotten about my favorite people out there..thats right...The Amish....lets talk about them....

Just kidding...jeeeeeze...don't be so sensitive...y'all know I love ya.

So here is something funny...during my last Portland excursion..we stopped off at Albertson's for some tasty beverages and this is what I found in the cooler



A little blast from the past...a Beer named after the Washington State capitol, but is one of the most difficult to find in the friggin state...and its tag line "It's the Water" must mean Milwaukee area water because since 1983 this stuff has been owned by Pabts...you know the brewers of those high end brands of Colt 45 and St Ides. MMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM BITCH!!!!!

So I am a bit anxious today...today is the due date for my brother and sister-in-law. Yeah Yeah...another one of my bloodline to infect the planet with wit, charm, and a penchant for the Schlager of Gold. And with Uncle J around to learn from....well..at least you know their going to learn from the best.

Think of all the useful things I get to teach them....

Like...
The Courtesy Flush......
The appropriate usages of the term "Beeyatch"......
How to hide alcoholic beverages properly while getting into events or movie theaters.....
How its ok to cheer for another sports team..as long as that team starts with the name SEATTLE....
What Mother's dont know...they will find out by looking through your shit when your at school....
When a priest wants to "Lay his hands" on you to pray...use the stun gun like I showed you.....

Now of course, I am assuming that they are having a boy (suprisingly, they chose not to find out)...so if its a girl...I have this advice...

Always be an angel, listen to your parents, and don't trust boys...we just want to steal your cookies.


Unkle DK

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