Westside Joe

So its about time that I throw another "what's going's on" or other random nonsensicals out there to be mulled over by you, the cynical, yet wildly diverse audience that is my, dare I say, fans.

I am currently faced with what would seem the longest unit of time know to man....that is next to being forced to watch the movie "Pootie Tang". What I am referring to is this work week...the one before my vacation starts. As I sit here and languish beind the keyboard...slaving away under these opressive conditions...all I dream about is cocktails and green felt...turning over pocket aces on pocket kings...the yell of the Croupier shouting "Yo, Eleven". Frank, Sammy and Dino at the Sands....ahhhh...yes Las Vegas. I wish I could bring each and every one of you. (Que the "awwwwwww's)

So to make it through this week is like watching Paris Hilton trying to solve a multiplication problem...(I should really stop using her...but she's such an easy target)...so I need to distract myself with other topics and activities.

Like.....................................this:

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - Police have arrested a man on suspicion
of stealing anti-impotence drugs from dozens of pharmacies in the past year
and were seeking his accomplice in what they are calling the "Viagra
gang." One was arrested and we know the other one's identity and are looking
for him," a Rio de Janeiro police spokesman said on Wednesday.
The men are suspected of holding up more than 35 pharmacies in the same drugstore chain. Police said they stole anti-impotence drugs such as Viagra as well
as money from registers. The chain estimated its losses at some
$220,000. Police said the partners sold the drugs on the black market and
were so successful that they drew criticism from an unlikely source -- the
criminal underworld. Taped phone conversations show members of a powerful
drug gang from the same slum where the two lived complaining that their illicit
business was drawing too much police attention to the shantytown near Rio's
famed Copacabana Beach.

Now don't you think it would be easy to spot the other suspect....He's gotta be the one in the speedo sportin wood all day on the beach....I would think this is an easy one....I hope there isnt a police line up...

Policia: Sir, can you identify the man who sold you the Viagra
Witness: Yeah, he's the one there with the unit that you can go deep sea fishing with...

Or this tid bit of interest....

TORONTO (Reuters) - A Canadian man was handed the keys to a three-bedroom house Wednesday, exactly a year after he offered a red paper clip online, asking to
trade it for "bigger or better" things. In his latest trade, Kyle MacDonald,
26, swapped a bit role in a Hollywood movie for a house in the small Western
Canadian town of Kipling, Saskatchewan.

When he started his quest with the paper clip, MacDonald said getting a house was his goal. He traded in the paper clip for a fish pen and eventually moved up to an afternoon with rocker Alice Cooper before snagging the Hollywood movie role in his 14th trade. Wednesday, the mayor of Kipling presented MacDonald with the house in return for a role in the movie "Donna on Demand," starring Corbin Bernsen. Kipling, population 1,140, will give the role to the winner of a contest it plans to hold in September. "We're getting some very positive attention, and that never hurts any community," Mayor Pat Jackson said in a telephone interview. Local businesses have donated housewarming gifts such as flowers and wine, and a 12-foot red paper clip has been erected in the front yard. The town plans to build "the world's largest red paper clip" at a yet-to-be-determined location. MacDonald, who lives in Montreal, has become an Internet and media sensation during his series of swaps, garnering interviews and attention from as far away as Japan.

He said on his Web site that he and his girlfriend will move into his new house before September and plan to throw "Saskatchewan's biggest housewarming party ever."

Two things I found hilarious about this article are 1. Corbin Bernsen still has a career and B. "Saskatchewan's biggest housewarming party ever!#$@?." which should consist of a twelve pack of Molsen Ice, 3 sheep, and a snowblower. What ever the combination of the three is produced we should trade for Paris Hilton. (See..right back to old Faithful)

So I attempted to do this experiment myself on Craig's list...I started with one of those office staple pullers (you know..the ones that you play with at work like its Pac - Man) and I somehow got sidetracked in my trades into being a sperm donor for KD Lang and her partner....or maybe it was Clay Aiken...I always get those two confused.




See you soon boys.....see you soon.

Call me nostalgic...
Call me retarded....
Call me old....(but if you do...Im kicking your ass)

I had such a good time watching that UKrew video a few blogs ago that I went back into the archives and dug up one from way back. You may know him as the idiot behind that song "Rock Me Amadeus" but Falco had a genius song and video back around 1984. I am sure you will enjoy it purly on its production values...not to mention the talent.



He he he....

Doesnt it just make you giggle with delight....almost like sitting on the sprinkler head when you were a kid....(errrrr......I might have said too much there). Well these hacks from America called "After the Fire" decided a year later that they would cover this song too...which I am sure is the version everyone out there knows...(If you want to see/hear the hacks in action, see below)




You be the judge....All in all...just bask in the 80's glow....

T minus 21 days and counting untill my next sojourn to Las Vegas...5 days of sun and fun...not to mention trying to win enough cash to allow me to fund my own personal war against Lindsey Lohan. She looks like what would happen if the Gingerbread Man and a hooker ever had a child.

Don't Turn Around....Wha Uhhh Ohhhh.... (And then the Gingerbread Man had to go and get a towel...)

Lates.....

*Sigh*



Some of you out there can appreciate the absolute idiocracy that The Hoff represents. Others of you are now thinking about blocking all my future emails and praying that you get refunded the time you just wasted in your life watching this video. I am doing both.

Granted...Knight Rider was a staple of my youth...but only because I liked seeing KITT take off over some "sweet jumps". Then came Baywatch...do I need to even explain to the world that the only reason anyone was watching this show was for the two co-stars that Pam and I affectionately call "Poncho and Lefty" (@)(@).

The topper of all of this is the production value of this video....I've made better music videos than this...and I graduated from the Art Institute! I guess it could be worse...Paris Hilton could be in the video with him....then I know were only a few short minutes away from the Apocolypse.

I cannot even fathom the spawn of evil those two would produce. But I think it would look like this....



Have a Cracky Day!

.....you get sick as hell at hearing the previous statement. Yes...getting older is enivitable. And crestfallen before me is my Birthday. And Yes, I am 29!! Age is irrelivant. Its how old you feel and act. The only thing that is better about getting older is that your job thinks you deserve more money, which is nice since that is proportionally opposite to the age of your girlfriend who spends it all on yet another set of heels and says...."Don't you want me to look good for you". HEZUES CHRIST! Sneaky Bitches. And Dateline NBC is no friggin help...they got me so freaked out that I ask women now for two forms of ID and their High School diploma before I ask them out.

*Sigh*

Regardless of that fact, the blog must go on. I'm not stuck in a wheelchair, and Cirrhosis from the Goldschlager hasn't set in yet, so I'm counting myself as lucky. Unlike my hero below.....



Oh I can't wait for Dementia....what a treat.

And speaking of Dementia... It just happens my future ex-wife Jessie Simpson turns 25 on the same day as me, July 10th. According to her agent/business office (who coincidentialy told me to take them off my speed dial) "Ms. Simpson will not be attending the B-day festivities on Saturday". Unless she is planning on suprising me.....teeee heeee....one can only hope.

Birthdays always make you nostalgic for the old stuff...like this gem of a video from 1989....enjoy....

I was just informed that it is not cool to dance like this anymore. Thats fine, but I'm keeping my zebra striped suit.

If you havent noticed, Youtube.com is my new toy...at least until the job catches up on all the time were avoiding work by watching this stuff online. Shhhhh...don't narc us out bitches.
I'm not ratting you out when you do those shots in the breakroom...or that little summthin summthin you and the Fed Ex driver do on the boxes of Xerox paper in the supply room.....um....I've said to much....I should go.

I want to thank all of you who are coming out Saturday to Emerald Downs...without you my friends, I wouldn't have all this great material. So keep up the good work!

For those who want to "suprise" me (wink), we'll be at the track around 1:30pm. Hope to see you all there!