Monday, December 19, 2005
I love it when a plan comes together....
So its not a big secret...especially to those ones closest to me...and sometimes to the ones on the other side of the room too...that I luv the ladies...go figure.
So its no suprise that I was just giddy as a sorority girl with a bottle of Jaeger and compromised moral values to hear that my object of fantasy affection filed for divorce on Friday from the demon seed leech that is former boy band reject Nick Lachey. I even have the documentation to prove it....(click the image for the full document...AFTER YOU READ THE REST OF THE BLOG OF COURSE! GOSH!)
So now she can move on to someone with better social graces and that will do nice things for her...like teaching her to read. (Sorry..that was offsides wasn't it...now she's gonna go to bed and cry herself to sleep on her HUGE pilla)
I have noticed lately that I have developed this real personal bubble issue...close friends and strippers excluded, of course. But it was quite evident this past weekend while Chrismaunukka shopping. Just rude-ass tards always grazing me and not even giving me any kinda reach-around or sorry. Its just so damn annoying. And why is it when I am standing in line for something that all the human traffic wants to walk directly through the line where I am standing, like I'm some human turnstile. I started to entertain myself by trying to trip them. To make myself feel better, Tupelo and I decided to support the Native American community by visiting the casino located next to the mall. What a dangerous combination, outlet mall shopping and gambling in stumbling distance from each other, genius! We need to gather up some of these people that come up with idea's like this, I bet they can solve many problems we have as a society today if they were just focused on something else. So lets see..who would be on my list:
1. Ok, we got the Casino/Outlet Mall guy (Yes, I know an idea from Vegas in Washington, but go with me on this)
2. The Girls Gone Wild creator. ( or as I like to call it.."Look Where I Can Put A Foreign Object")
3. The guy who came up with the Swiffer Wet Jet, who knew elephant maxi-pads had more than one function.
4. The inventor of the paper towel roll/fabric softener sheet weed smoke filter...helping teenagers around the world to not get "busted" for stealing their Dad's stash.
5. The pro sports team accountant that realized if you have a captive audience, they will pay the same price as a six-pack of beer for one bottle. ( I don't really admire this dick...I just understand his motive.)
I would love to hear if you have anyone you could add to the list. I'll dedicate my non-Jessica Simpson-Stalking time to coming up with more to share.
If I don't see everyone before Chrismaunukka (yes..its my word, just like Jackassery), then have a Happy Holiday and I'll see ya during my drunken stupor at New Years!
Dirty~Kash
So its no suprise that I was just giddy as a sorority girl with a bottle of Jaeger and compromised moral values to hear that my object of fantasy affection filed for divorce on Friday from the demon seed leech that is former boy band reject Nick Lachey. I even have the documentation to prove it....(click the image for the full document...AFTER YOU READ THE REST OF THE BLOG OF COURSE! GOSH!)
So now she can move on to someone with better social graces and that will do nice things for her...like teaching her to read. (Sorry..that was offsides wasn't it...now she's gonna go to bed and cry herself to sleep on her HUGE pilla)
I have noticed lately that I have developed this real personal bubble issue...close friends and strippers excluded, of course. But it was quite evident this past weekend while Chrismaunukka shopping. Just rude-ass tards always grazing me and not even giving me any kinda reach-around or sorry. Its just so damn annoying. And why is it when I am standing in line for something that all the human traffic wants to walk directly through the line where I am standing, like I'm some human turnstile. I started to entertain myself by trying to trip them. To make myself feel better, Tupelo and I decided to support the Native American community by visiting the casino located next to the mall. What a dangerous combination, outlet mall shopping and gambling in stumbling distance from each other, genius! We need to gather up some of these people that come up with idea's like this, I bet they can solve many problems we have as a society today if they were just focused on something else. So lets see..who would be on my list:
1. Ok, we got the Casino/Outlet Mall guy (Yes, I know an idea from Vegas in Washington, but go with me on this)
2. The Girls Gone Wild creator. ( or as I like to call it.."Look Where I Can Put A Foreign Object")
3. The guy who came up with the Swiffer Wet Jet, who knew elephant maxi-pads had more than one function.
4. The inventor of the paper towel roll/fabric softener sheet weed smoke filter...helping teenagers around the world to not get "busted" for stealing their Dad's stash.
5. The pro sports team accountant that realized if you have a captive audience, they will pay the same price as a six-pack of beer for one bottle. ( I don't really admire this dick...I just understand his motive.)
I would love to hear if you have anyone you could add to the list. I'll dedicate my non-Jessica Simpson-Stalking time to coming up with more to share.
If I don't see everyone before Chrismaunukka (yes..its my word, just like Jackassery), then have a Happy Holiday and I'll see ya during my drunken stupor at New Years!
Dirty~Kash
Monday, December 05, 2005
On the First Day of X-mas
Ok...so some people are afraid of spiders....some afraid of snakes...
Me...well, I am afraid of these friggin things...
Not in a "terrified - run for your life - cry on Oprah" type of way...
But more in the frame of a scary movie - bad dreams thing. If any of you out there have seen the movie "It" and now think Clowns are creepy and evil, then you know where I am coming from.
And besides...they call these things "NUTCRACKERS" for jeezy creezy sakes! That term alone makes me want to wear a cup around all day during the holiday season.
So as I am heading to the UW vs. Gonzaga basketball game last night...in the parking lot we ran into a group of "dudes" (ex. see Idiots) who were screaming at the top of their lungs..HUSKY BASKETBALL...WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Now, I bring this situation up for the following reason...
Scene: UW campus parking lot
Time: Pre-Game
Dude #1: HUSKY BASKETBALL...WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Dude #2: HA HA HE HE HA HA...
Dude #1: Oh Shit I am drunk....
Dirty~Kash (in a lower conversational voice): Hey, watch out..that dude is pissing between those cars..don't step in anything.
DK friend: Yeah, I saw that...
Dude#1 to DK: Hey....haha ha....oh shit...ha ha....hey man, my friend is pissing over here...you wanna watch....
Dirty~Kash: No thanks....I'm trying to quit.
End Scene
Sigh......Idiots.....There's our future President folks....
And from the files of "What the Fuck were they thinking"....
It was brought to my attention recently that there are some men out there that are comfortable with beginning a conversation with "So ladies, whats your stance on Anal Sex". Not sure about you, but unless that is listed in the "Skills and Experience" section of the woman's resume, she might be a little uncomfortable with the topic right out of the gate. And if she is comfortable, then there are directors in the San Fernando valley that are looking for talent. Also, asking a woman to dance with you cuz you wanna "smack that ass" might not be the best approach. The Art of Ass Smacking is best performed in a private setting , not in a public enviornment to be viewed by a panel of Olympic judges. (Look, the French judge gave him a 9.59 for technique). All this was tolerable to hear until I found out that the "Playas" in question were 36 years old.
Then I finally understood the justified usage of the above Nutcracker.
May God have mercy on their souls.
Rang Dang Diggity Dang Di Dang....
Dirty~Kash
