Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Groovy Tuesday

I, *state your name* will not consume the amount of alcoholic beverages that could sterlize a rodeo bull over the course of one weekend as I did. If I do, I will be forced to spend the rest of my liquor-hazed existance as Britany Spears husband. (And I am talking about the Ghetto-Barbie-Britany, not Slave 4 U - music video Britany.)

So as I wander aimlessly into my office this morning, thinking there is no possible way that after a 3-day weekend, that I could be depressed about going to work. I was wrong. Today was GOAL - SETTING Day. Once again, for those of you outside of a corporate enviornment, this is a time at the beginning of the year were you get to measure up how much rope your going to need to hog-tie yourself upside down over a flaming pool of half-manager/half-shark mutants. So by the end of the year, when your just nose-bleeding from the amount of excitement you have had, they bite you in the ass, stick their hand down your throat, and punch you in the taint from the inside for all the hard work you did over the last 12 months. I apoligize if I can't be more colorfully descriptive than that, because that pretty much sums it up.

I guess I shouldn't be all Mister Pissy Pants about it, they do need something to do during the year as well, and when I send in my Goals 2006 form, it should distract them long enough for me to finish this blog.

Things you will not see on DK's Goal Setting form for 2006:

1. Re-enact the Battle of Little-Big Horn with the Management Staff playing the role of General Custer's Men using erasers while we use letter openers.
2. Pour glitter into the water cooler and make everyone think I replaced the water with Goldschalger.
3. Attempt to come back to work from lunch in under an hour. Then not take a nap immediatly afterwards in the empty conference room.
4. Start doing blogs at home. (Yeah, Right!)
5. Stop using the office copier to enlarge areas of your Jessica Simpson posters. (Wait, did I just say I had Jessica Simpson posters....crapple!)

Ok...enough of that...and now something to make me go GRRRRAWWWWW RRRRAWWWW!




Ok..so maybe I over did...sorry for spoiling y'all. Scarlett is quickly climbing DK's Chart of Unbelievable Hottness...with a bullet! She and Ms. Alba are fighting it out for one of the top 3 spots and we have Ms. Hayek a still a strong 2nd. If Scarlett J keeps this up, The Simpsonator might need to make room at the top.

Now I know what your all thinking....Gosh Joe, your so insightful. Don't worry, this type of dementia can only be obtained through breeding. You should be all safe as long as you don't make it a "Goal" somewhere along the line to introduce my gene's to your bloodline. If it's too late for that, distract me with a lapdance.

Dizzle~Kashizzle

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

2006...Year of the Gorney

Thats right biznatches! All aboard...the G - Train is about to leave the station, and this is one party do not want to miss.

X-Maunukka and New Jeers are behind us and its time to plow through the mundane and head into the wild. But first, a look back at My Holidays...

Christmas was spent with plenty of cheer...Up in the great white of Alaska visiting family. Where its so cold out, that you actually say "Fuck" out loud when you dont have the proper coat on, well, at least for a foul mouthed city boy like myself. (I learned it all from my Mother)



Thats right...its a balmy -8 degrees outside, and this is at Noon.



Heres something you would never say outloud in Seattle...."I was going to put fence up between those poles, but the damn Moose keep tearing it down." Well, you might hear that if "Moose" is your dim-witted Frat buddy with a drunked fence destroying habit.



Due to a severe Hot-Buttered Rum binge..Blitzen didn't make it out before the snow hit.

Ok.....Moving on.....

New Years 2006!

What a blast it was...It was sooooo much fun...I think next year I will just sharpen a pencil and shove it into my eye. That way when Halloween comes around, I will be all ready with my jaunty pirate eye patch.

Oh there were good intentions, don't get me wrong.

It started out at the Heaven and Hell Ball, which sounded good, but after about an hour and a half, it was more of a dull and duller ball. Not really my style or that of my compadre that was with me. For future reference, this is a very fringe event that I am sure is just a hoot for those in that scene. Pluses...Free Jello shots...that offset the 7 bucks I had to pay for a Capt n Coke.

Time 11:35...25 min before Midnight.

Were off to the W Hotel to try and squezze into the party going on there. Unfortunately, there was no room at the inn and we were standing outside when the clock struck 12. Oh well..Its a New Year..lets move on. We finally were able to talk our way in at about 12:05 and mingled for about an hour.

1:05 AM. Heading back to my car.

Unfortunately, what happens to men when they are left alone to drink in groups of 5 or more is not a pretty sight. They tend to be more agressive and reason just seems to go out the window, along with tact and self responsibility. My friend and I were involve in a small altercation (not of our doing) with said group of gentlemen....wait...let me rephrase that...said group of douchebags. While Tup squabbled with one on the ground, I was left to fend off the other idiots who actully must think that television wrestling is real. Fortunate for them, the police came. 5 cars, a new personal best. Next time I am hoping the Governer will have to call out the National Guard like in the movies. No real injuries, just some scrapes and bruises for our part.

Then to finish out the weekend I had a low key Sunday night with good friends at a West Seattle watering hole. Which above all, was the best day of the my whole weekend because I didn't get to spend New Years with all of us as a group like I wished we could have. Ho well...theres always next year and pleanty of time to plan something.....RIGHT??!??!@? hmmm hmmm?

Suprisingly, more jello shots appeared that night. Which is totally random, because I think its been a good 2 years since I had my last jello shot and in two days I did about 10.

Crap...that means I won't have any now till like 2018. *sigh*


DK'06

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