Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Groovy Tuesday
I, *state your name* will not consume the amount of alcoholic beverages that could sterlize a rodeo bull over the course of one weekend as I did. If I do, I will be forced to spend the rest of my liquor-hazed existance as Britany Spears husband. (And I am talking about the Ghetto-Barbie-Britany, not Slave 4 U - music video Britany.)
So as I wander aimlessly into my office this morning, thinking there is no possible way that after a 3-day weekend, that I could be depressed about going to work. I was wrong. Today was GOAL - SETTING Day. Once again, for those of you outside of a corporate enviornment, this is a time at the beginning of the year were you get to measure up how much rope your going to need to hog-tie yourself upside down over a flaming pool of half-manager/half-shark mutants. So by the end of the year, when your just nose-bleeding from the amount of excitement you have had, they bite you in the ass, stick their hand down your throat, and punch you in the taint from the inside for all the hard work you did over the last 12 months. I apoligize if I can't be more colorfully descriptive than that, because that pretty much sums it up.
I guess I shouldn't be all Mister Pissy Pants about it, they do need something to do during the year as well, and when I send in my Goals 2006 form, it should distract them long enough for me to finish this blog.
Things you will not see on DK's Goal Setting form for 2006:
1. Re-enact the Battle of Little-Big Horn with the Management Staff playing the role of General Custer's Men using erasers while we use letter openers.
2. Pour glitter into the water cooler and make everyone think I replaced the water with Goldschalger.
3. Attempt to come back to work from lunch in under an hour. Then not take a nap immediatly afterwards in the empty conference room.
4. Start doing blogs at home. (Yeah, Right!)
5. Stop using the office copier to enlarge areas of your Jessica Simpson posters. (Wait, did I just say I had Jessica Simpson posters....crapple!)
Ok...enough of that...and now something to make me go GRRRRAWWWWW RRRRAWWWW!
Ok..so maybe I over did...sorry for spoiling y'all. Scarlett is quickly climbing DK's Chart of Unbelievable Hottness...with a bullet! She and Ms. Alba are fighting it out for one of the top 3 spots and we have Ms. Hayek a still a strong 2nd. If Scarlett J keeps this up, The Simpsonator might need to make room at the top.
Now I know what your all thinking....Gosh Joe, your so insightful. Don't worry, this type of dementia can only be obtained through breeding. You should be all safe as long as you don't make it a "Goal" somewhere along the line to introduce my gene's to your bloodline. If it's too late for that, distract me with a lapdance.
Dizzle~Kashizzle
So as I wander aimlessly into my office this morning, thinking there is no possible way that after a 3-day weekend, that I could be depressed about going to work. I was wrong. Today was GOAL - SETTING Day. Once again, for those of you outside of a corporate enviornment, this is a time at the beginning of the year were you get to measure up how much rope your going to need to hog-tie yourself upside down over a flaming pool of half-manager/half-shark mutants. So by the end of the year, when your just nose-bleeding from the amount of excitement you have had, they bite you in the ass, stick their hand down your throat, and punch you in the taint from the inside for all the hard work you did over the last 12 months. I apoligize if I can't be more colorfully descriptive than that, because that pretty much sums it up.
I guess I shouldn't be all Mister Pissy Pants about it, they do need something to do during the year as well, and when I send in my Goals 2006 form, it should distract them long enough for me to finish this blog.
Things you will not see on DK's Goal Setting form for 2006:
1. Re-enact the Battle of Little-Big Horn with the Management Staff playing the role of General Custer's Men using erasers while we use letter openers.
2. Pour glitter into the water cooler and make everyone think I replaced the water with Goldschalger.
3. Attempt to come back to work from lunch in under an hour. Then not take a nap immediatly afterwards in the empty conference room.
4. Start doing blogs at home. (Yeah, Right!)
5. Stop using the office copier to enlarge areas of your Jessica Simpson posters. (Wait, did I just say I had Jessica Simpson posters....crapple!)
Ok...enough of that...and now something to make me go GRRRRAWWWWW RRRRAWWWW!
Ok..so maybe I over did...sorry for spoiling y'all. Scarlett is quickly climbing DK's Chart of Unbelievable Hottness...with a bullet! She and Ms. Alba are fighting it out for one of the top 3 spots and we have Ms. Hayek a still a strong 2nd. If Scarlett J keeps this up, The Simpsonator might need to make room at the top.
Now I know what your all thinking....Gosh Joe, your so insightful. Don't worry, this type of dementia can only be obtained through breeding. You should be all safe as long as you don't make it a "Goal" somewhere along the line to introduce my gene's to your bloodline. If it's too late for that, distract me with a lapdance.
Dizzle~Kashizzle
