Friday, August 27, 2004
Dirty Pop
So I came to a realization recently....I'm about 10 years too old and 50 pounds to fat from being in a boy band...(ok the funny part is that I just recently came to this conclusion)
Oh well....doesnt mean I can belt out Backstreet Boys in Kareoke from time to time...
Besides....when was the last time you saw a guy in a boy band with a receding hair line...it would never work...
So its Friday again...you know what that means...
Thats right....I am just a few short hours away from doing my Dean Martin impression, now all I need is a Scotch, a tux and a flight to Vegas...see you at the Craps table.
Things I learned this week:
20 minutes of extra sleep is worth exactly 12 bucks
(This is how much parking in downtown Seattle costs when you miss your bus)
Weening yourself off Coca Cola is exactly the same as Heroin
(Because I believe everything I see on TV****see President Bush, Topic: Weapons of Mass Destruction***)
Crest Citrus flavored toothpaste is wrong in every way imaginable. Why dont they come out with something useful..like Goldschlager Flavored.
Sweet and Sour is a bullshit term...the two cannot exist in the same food item. It should just be called "Strange Bland Sauce Chicken"
(I have tested this theory extensively at several locations over many years with the same results, hence the above mentioned "50 pounds")
Democrat or Republican???....no thanks...I'll have the Chicken
Daddy Mack
Oh well....doesnt mean I can belt out Backstreet Boys in Kareoke from time to time...
Besides....when was the last time you saw a guy in a boy band with a receding hair line...it would never work...
So its Friday again...you know what that means...
Thats right....I am just a few short hours away from doing my Dean Martin impression, now all I need is a Scotch, a tux and a flight to Vegas...see you at the Craps table.
Things I learned this week:
20 minutes of extra sleep is worth exactly 12 bucks
(This is how much parking in downtown Seattle costs when you miss your bus)
Weening yourself off Coca Cola is exactly the same as Heroin
(Because I believe everything I see on TV****see President Bush, Topic: Weapons of Mass Destruction***)
Crest Citrus flavored toothpaste is wrong in every way imaginable. Why dont they come out with something useful..like Goldschlager Flavored.
Sweet and Sour is a bullshit term...the two cannot exist in the same food item. It should just be called "Strange Bland Sauce Chicken"
(I have tested this theory extensively at several locations over many years with the same results, hence the above mentioned "50 pounds")
Democrat or Republican???....no thanks...I'll have the Chicken
Daddy Mack
Monday, August 23, 2004
Yo Son.....
I know its been awhile since I posted last, for some reason I have been distracted by this sudden urge to sing the Pina Colada song....I don't know why.
(Note to self: Mexican food is only good for that night, feed to roommate)
To quote the Pixies "Where is my mind...Where is my mind"Not on work at the moment....I guess it really isnt right for me to be posting blogs while on the job, but then I think...Fuck em....I'm over-stressed and underpaid....at least this distracts me devising a plan for REVENGE! (ohhhh..a little too Mad Scientist there)
Maybe I think too much into it...I remember back at my very first job, It was as a cook at Black Angus...we had this guy Greg, he was about 36 or so and was mentally challenged, (not sure what it was Autistic or Cerabal Palsy), anyways I always liked Greg. He had a speech impediment and the biggest smile a dishwasher ever could have in the world. While we all slaved our way through the dishes and hated every moment of dishwashing...Greg reveled in it. We would rib him and joke around, always in good nature and never insulting, and he would be right there shooting back at us...it was great. I now think about what he was doing, going through the mountain of dishes, sweating from the heat, soaked through...and he was always happy. Because he was needed and we made him feel needed. And thats what you need to make your job right...feel like your needed. In these days, that doesnt happen too often. There is a definite sense about being "replaceable" which tends to drive my morale straight through the floor.Maybe there is something Zen in washing dishes...scrubing away the grime of life...and coming out refreshed and clean.
Makes you think...maybe Greg in his own little way knew something that we all have lost in our daily grind. Underneath it all...we're still there..you just need a little rinsing off now and then.
DM
(Note to self: Mexican food is only good for that night, feed to roommate)
To quote the Pixies "Where is my mind...Where is my mind"Not on work at the moment....I guess it really isnt right for me to be posting blogs while on the job, but then I think...Fuck em....I'm over-stressed and underpaid....at least this distracts me devising a plan for REVENGE! (ohhhh..a little too Mad Scientist there)
Maybe I think too much into it...I remember back at my very first job, It was as a cook at Black Angus...we had this guy Greg, he was about 36 or so and was mentally challenged, (not sure what it was Autistic or Cerabal Palsy), anyways I always liked Greg. He had a speech impediment and the biggest smile a dishwasher ever could have in the world. While we all slaved our way through the dishes and hated every moment of dishwashing...Greg reveled in it. We would rib him and joke around, always in good nature and never insulting, and he would be right there shooting back at us...it was great. I now think about what he was doing, going through the mountain of dishes, sweating from the heat, soaked through...and he was always happy. Because he was needed and we made him feel needed. And thats what you need to make your job right...feel like your needed. In these days, that doesnt happen too often. There is a definite sense about being "replaceable" which tends to drive my morale straight through the floor.Maybe there is something Zen in washing dishes...scrubing away the grime of life...and coming out refreshed and clean.
Makes you think...maybe Greg in his own little way knew something that we all have lost in our daily grind. Underneath it all...we're still there..you just need a little rinsing off now and then.
DM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Dream Job
Ohhhhh Baby......you know, there is something to be said about the person who actually realizes that the job the they hold, is not what they want to be doing for the rest of their life. Its no secret to anyone...we all would love to be so independently wealthy that we never have to worry about a job again...but until I kill off Nick so I can have Jessica all to myself....Mine Mine Mine...
Whoops...I guess my internal monologue isnt working anymore...
So heres my list....Music, Games, Women...thats my dream job..sounds like I should work for Maxim...(and yes I know that sounds like a pipe dream...so pass the dutchie on the left hand side dammit!.)
What are my options then:
DJ: Been there...Its fun being the center of attention.
Kareoke Host...Right up my alley, I do a mean Bon Jovi....but have you ever tried being around a Kareoke bar when your sober? I don't think they exist until you have had at least three shots...then they somehow materialize out of god forsaken nowhere..and your on stage trying to rap to Ice Ice BABY with some skeeze that looks like she just was evicted out of her moblie home in Arkansas, grinding on someone THAT ISN'T THERE!...flashing that pearly four toothed smile at you on stage like your the second coming of her third ex husband.......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
(No! go to your happy place Joe....go to your happy place)
Anyway.....have you ever really met a Kareoke host that wasnt a geek..yeah me either.
Oil Boy for the Hawaiian Tropics contest...now were getting somewhere.
Its gotta be fun...Thats it...I have to be in a fun atmosphere....I'm ready for suggestions
(No need to suggest the porn industy, some things are meant to be left sacred)
Two in The Cake and One in the Puddin
Daddyizle Mackshizle
Whoops...I guess my internal monologue isnt working anymore...
So heres my list....Music, Games, Women...thats my dream job..sounds like I should work for Maxim...(and yes I know that sounds like a pipe dream...so pass the dutchie on the left hand side dammit!.)
What are my options then:
DJ: Been there...Its fun being the center of attention.
Kareoke Host...Right up my alley, I do a mean Bon Jovi....but have you ever tried being around a Kareoke bar when your sober? I don't think they exist until you have had at least three shots...then they somehow materialize out of god forsaken nowhere..and your on stage trying to rap to Ice Ice BABY with some skeeze that looks like she just was evicted out of her moblie home in Arkansas, grinding on someone THAT ISN'T THERE!...flashing that pearly four toothed smile at you on stage like your the second coming of her third ex husband.......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
(No! go to your happy place Joe....go to your happy place)
Anyway.....have you ever really met a Kareoke host that wasnt a geek..yeah me either.
Oil Boy for the Hawaiian Tropics contest...now were getting somewhere.
Its gotta be fun...Thats it...I have to be in a fun atmosphere....I'm ready for suggestions
(No need to suggest the porn industy, some things are meant to be left sacred)
Two in The Cake and One in the Puddin
Daddyizle Mackshizle
Friday, August 13, 2004
Can I get a Fuck You....
Bounce wit me...Bounce wit me...can ya can ya can ya...Bounce wit me..Bounce wit me...
Uhh uhh
Jay - Z....a true poet.
Its Friday night....and I need a fight...my Mortercycle and a Switchblade knife....Girls, Girls, Girls....At my house in West Seattle!
(Thats how I would sing Motley Crue in Kareoke)
Ok....enough of the Jackassery...Im sure you wanna know whats on my mind....
Questions to be answered:
1. What to do on Labor Day Weekend (ehhh hem...You know who you are)
2. How did a coffee table materialize in my living room overnight (Note to self...interrogate Roommate)
3. Figure out how many drinks it takes before I start "grabbin ass" (that one should be fun)
These questions and more will be answered on our next episode of "Soap"
(Jezzey Creezzy...I sure am dating myself with that reference)
English Premiership Football starts this weekend....Arsenal FC
Go Gunners!
Rant of the day: "If not Bush or Kerry, vote Barbie....Mattel launches 'presidential campaign' of flagship doll" This is an actual headline from CNN/Money.com...fascinating huh...so were going to trade in a couple of plastic dummies for Barbie??? Not so fast...the article goes on to read:"The event comes months after Mattel announced a "break-up" of longtime doll couple Barbie and Ken."....hmmm what sparked this break-up?? Could it be that wild weekend Ken spent in Malibu with Skipper?? Or are all those Barbie-GI Joe rumors true??? Could this be the next White House Scandal...???? Well..at least she can't lie to us about the Weapons of Mass Distruction in Iraq....She can't even talk....at least not with out me dropping alot of Acid before hand. (That was a scary night...)
I'll close today with a quote that I live everyday by:
"I dont want to love you down....I want to Sex you UP!"
Color Me Badd
Daddy Mack...Fer Shizzel
Uhh uhh
Jay - Z....a true poet.
Its Friday night....and I need a fight...my Mortercycle and a Switchblade knife....Girls, Girls, Girls....At my house in West Seattle!
(Thats how I would sing Motley Crue in Kareoke)
Ok....enough of the Jackassery...Im sure you wanna know whats on my mind....
Questions to be answered:
1. What to do on Labor Day Weekend (ehhh hem...You know who you are)
2. How did a coffee table materialize in my living room overnight (Note to self...interrogate Roommate)
3. Figure out how many drinks it takes before I start "grabbin ass" (that one should be fun)
These questions and more will be answered on our next episode of "Soap"
(Jezzey Creezzy...I sure am dating myself with that reference)
English Premiership Football starts this weekend....Arsenal FC
Go Gunners!
Rant of the day: "If not Bush or Kerry, vote Barbie....Mattel launches 'presidential campaign' of flagship doll" This is an actual headline from CNN/Money.com...fascinating huh...so were going to trade in a couple of plastic dummies for Barbie??? Not so fast...the article goes on to read:"The event comes months after Mattel announced a "break-up" of longtime doll couple Barbie and Ken."....hmmm what sparked this break-up?? Could it be that wild weekend Ken spent in Malibu with Skipper?? Or are all those Barbie-GI Joe rumors true??? Could this be the next White House Scandal...???? Well..at least she can't lie to us about the Weapons of Mass Distruction in Iraq....She can't even talk....at least not with out me dropping alot of Acid before hand. (That was a scary night...)
I'll close today with a quote that I live everyday by:
"I dont want to love you down....I want to Sex you UP!"
Color Me Badd
Daddy Mack...Fer Shizzel
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I may be Schizophrenic....but at least I'm not alone...
How self-delusional must I be to believe that anyone that reads this is actually interested in what happened to me this weekend....a show of hands???
Didn't think so...hell I don't even know if anyone is reading this.
Which gives me a false sense of security that I can say what the hell ever I want to and only offend myself...he he he...don't you just love the irony.
The nicest thing about this forum is that you don't really need to say anything profound..if that's your angle.
So heres something not very profound:
I decided this weekend to change something.Hahaha...(I know what your saying..."What?" "You Asshole...what are you changing.")
I'm not tellin...those of you know know me personally, it will be a little game. And if you are perceptive and inquisitive...you might find out what it is....maybe.
Those of you who don't know me....well....Speak up....make a new friend...you never know what could happen...maybe I will change something in your life too.
************Please do not take the above comment as being overly literal...I would like to make new accquaintences...not begin to schedule therepy sessions...I have a job...those people are quite enough.*****************
Never rub another Man's Rhubarb
Joe
Friday, August 06, 2004
5:00 PM cant get here any quicker....
Tick Tock Tick Tock...Although I dont have a mechanical clock at my desk..my mind still makes that sound. I feel like Fred Flinstone waiting for that damn bird to yell so I can bust outta here and get my swerve on....
FRIDAY NIGHT!!!
I..being the social butterfly I is (sarcasm), feel the need to stretch my wings tonight...what to do, what to do...
Hmmm ingredients for a successful Friday Night:
1 part Me
1 part Random Chick (2 can be used for that extra Kick)
2 parts Alcohol
1 part atmosphere
1 part charm (Provided by me)
Stir together slowly and pour into the hot tub.
Garnish with a couple of bottles of Champagne
Ahhhhhh....making my mouth water already....
Dammit....its only 2:02pm.
Ok...focus....work needs to be done. Swerve waits till later....
Political view of the Day: The Democrats are in full force in my neighborhood... twice in the last month I have had one of these Mickey Mouse Cadettes come knocking at my door. (Please keep in mind...I dislike both parties equally) So I get this knock..if that what you want to call it..sounded more like a Snoop Dogg beat then a knock..and what do I get at the door...a cloud of Patchuli and some hippie clone Birkenstocked chick asking me to help kick the reigning Czar out on his ass.
One....unless you are one of my "Hommies" don't ever knock on my door like that again....two...(this one works like a charm) ahhhh sorry...Funny thing, I actually work for the Republican Party here in Seattle...so FUCK OFF!
So why does this irk me so...Well...I hate it when someone tries to recruit me on my door step. Like I needed to be pitched on what they can offer but never deliver. I can honestly tell you...I am in the same boat as I was when Clinton was in office....Working every day and considering a life in the Porn Business (guys gotta dream ya know).
That patchuli stink didn't help her cause either....Now I have this subconscious connection with Patchuli and Democrats.....yuck.
Its Martini Time
Daddy Mack
FRIDAY NIGHT!!!
I..being the social butterfly I is (sarcasm), feel the need to stretch my wings tonight...what to do, what to do...
Hmmm ingredients for a successful Friday Night:
1 part Me
1 part Random Chick (2 can be used for that extra Kick)
2 parts Alcohol
1 part atmosphere
1 part charm (Provided by me)
Stir together slowly and pour into the hot tub.
Garnish with a couple of bottles of Champagne
Ahhhhhh....making my mouth water already....
Dammit....its only 2:02pm.
Ok...focus....work needs to be done. Swerve waits till later....
Political view of the Day: The Democrats are in full force in my neighborhood... twice in the last month I have had one of these Mickey Mouse Cadettes come knocking at my door. (Please keep in mind...I dislike both parties equally) So I get this knock..if that what you want to call it..sounded more like a Snoop Dogg beat then a knock..and what do I get at the door...a cloud of Patchuli and some hippie clone Birkenstocked chick asking me to help kick the reigning Czar out on his ass.
One....unless you are one of my "Hommies" don't ever knock on my door like that again....two...(this one works like a charm) ahhhh sorry...Funny thing, I actually work for the Republican Party here in Seattle...so FUCK OFF!
So why does this irk me so...Well...I hate it when someone tries to recruit me on my door step. Like I needed to be pitched on what they can offer but never deliver. I can honestly tell you...I am in the same boat as I was when Clinton was in office....Working every day and considering a life in the Porn Business (guys gotta dream ya know).
That patchuli stink didn't help her cause either....Now I have this subconscious connection with Patchuli and Democrats.....yuck.
Its Martini Time
Daddy Mack
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Thank God some people don't Pro-Create...
I dont know how many times a day I think that...especially after getting off the phone with some of the GENIUSES that seem to populate my work enviorment.
I know its been awhile since I posted...
But I was playing Poker.
NO...Not for 5 fricken days straight...just all weekend. Did pretty good too....
Parents are in town tonight, so we get to play...Let's Reminisce About Our Kid's Fuck-ups...Thats always a blast. My brother and I will need to come up with a signal for "Let's go down to the liquer cabinent for a shot". I just hope he doesn't misinterpret my signal and try to steal third....
I received my DVD club order this weekend. I must suggest that if you haven't watched Weird Science in awhile...do so. Anthony Michael Hall is brilliant...4 stars
This was my order:
Weird Science - Classicly inspired comedy....and Kelly LeBrock in some hot panties....mmmmm
Goodfellas - Pesci - Deniro - Scorcese----nuff said
Interview w/ the Vamipire - Anne Rice is a great novelist..although they didnt follow the book completely, its a terrifically filmed movie.
Dazed and Confused - If you can't find something hillarious in this movie, then you have "Anger Issues". Count how many times "Mitch" touches his nose outside of the pool hall when talking to his school friend.
A Knights Tale - Just one of those movies I seem to watch over and over again when its on...sick..I know...could be Shannon Sosseman...grrrrawwwww raaawww.
My political statement for the day: Fuck - em...I dont trust either of them to sit the right way on a toilet
L8ter on Biznatches!
Daddy Mack
I know its been awhile since I posted...
But I was playing Poker.
NO...Not for 5 fricken days straight...just all weekend. Did pretty good too....
Parents are in town tonight, so we get to play...Let's Reminisce About Our Kid's Fuck-ups...Thats always a blast. My brother and I will need to come up with a signal for "Let's go down to the liquer cabinent for a shot". I just hope he doesn't misinterpret my signal and try to steal third....
I received my DVD club order this weekend. I must suggest that if you haven't watched Weird Science in awhile...do so. Anthony Michael Hall is brilliant...4 stars
This was my order:
Weird Science - Classicly inspired comedy....and Kelly LeBrock in some hot panties....mmmmm
Goodfellas - Pesci - Deniro - Scorcese----nuff said
Interview w/ the Vamipire - Anne Rice is a great novelist..although they didnt follow the book completely, its a terrifically filmed movie.
Dazed and Confused - If you can't find something hillarious in this movie, then you have "Anger Issues". Count how many times "Mitch" touches his nose outside of the pool hall when talking to his school friend.
A Knights Tale - Just one of those movies I seem to watch over and over again when its on...sick..I know...could be Shannon Sosseman...grrrrawwwww raaawww.
My political statement for the day: Fuck - em...I dont trust either of them to sit the right way on a toilet
L8ter on Biznatches!
Daddy Mack
